Ethical storytelling: Tell from a scar, not a wound

Jul 8

A few years ago, the program staff at the nonprofit where I worked introduced me to Claribel, a client, as a potential speaker for donor events. So, I took her to lunch. It was an intimate meeting—I shared why I do this work and a little bit of my story, and Claribel shared much about her life. It was clear after this conversation that her story could reduce barriers to our services and help so many. But some details were so raw that it would cause her pain to speak about them publicly.

Sharing the true stories of those a nonprofit serves helps its community of supporters understand the power of the work. But highlighting a “shiny” client who will feel relatable—or telling only the worst part of a client’s story to elicit shock or pity—can land inauthentically with the audience and cause harm to the client. Asking a client to share only a snapshot of their worst moments is not ethical, and it is not how they want to be remembered or referred to two months or two years from now.

After my initial meeting with Claribel, in which we established mutual trust, we met a few more times to craft a story that held the essentials—and kept her strong. I met her kids and talked more with her daughter. Her kids were often the litmus test for what Claribel was comfortable sharing. If she would not share it with them, then we agreed she shouldn’t share it with the nonprofit audience, either.

As a long-time fundraiser, I believe in the power of a well-told story. Donors give to people—and when they can relate to or understand the people their dollars will serve, they are more inclined to support the mission long-term. Stories open the gate to that long-term relationship.

How can nonprofits share the work in action in a compelling way by highlighting clients’ stories—and hold integrity and care for people who are often in the process of putting their lives back together after acute or chronic trauma?

The answer lies in how the nonprofit practices its values in asking clients to share their stories. Building those relationships with care requires five critical elements:

1. Get clear on your goals

Why are you interested in putting a microphone to the voice of your clients? While raising money might be a part of the aim, approaching your client with that narrow goal can harm your client and undermine your mission. Your fundraising goal must be contextualized within a desire to build a trusting relationship with your community—including those who support your mission and those who receive services.

Prioritize caring for the mental health and dignity of your client. Talk to the program staff at your organization. Hear their concerns and design a process that can elevate the experiences of your clients and honor and support where they are in their lives.

2. Build trust with your speaker

Finding a potential client speaker may happen naturally at one of your nonprofit’s services, or it may be via an introduction or interview process. Take them to lunch to get to know each other and learn why you are each there. Establish an understanding of how you are each connected to the nonprofit’s mission.

Compassionately explain the goals: empowering their voice and elevating the nonprofit’s mission. This order is important. After establishing trust with the client, explore their story a little more.

4. Provide a clear job description

This is a job, not a favor. Explain the expectations clearly so they can determine if they have the bandwidth to participate.

Share the job description with the client and be specific. For example, if it is a public speaking gig, explain that this means crafting the speech with you or another staff person, practicing it three times with one time as a dress rehearsal, early arrival at the event, and participating in the debrief afterward.

3. Tell from a scar, not a wound

As the person helping the client speaker prepare their story, you must get to know them well enough to guide them to tell from a scar, not a wound. While you or they may feel some details of their story may make the case for supporting the nonprofit stronger, if the client is in pain sharing them, they may be still healing from trauma.

Err on the side of safety. If they re-open the wound of trauma that has not healed, they deepen that neural pathway by re-activating it. Every person has to process and heal from their trauma in their own time; putting it on display will do more harm than good.

Several nonprofits I’ve worked with are stumped by this. How can we convey the impact of our work if we can’t make our audience cry? There are two answers:

Tell your organization’s story by sharing a range of client experiences. Your fundraisers should provide donors with several examples that represent the diverse experiences of your clients. Some will crack open the hearts of your listeners. Some will explain the complexity of the problems you are working to solve. Others will illustrate how your program helps people live fuller lives beyond the struggles they have overcome.
Ask the client what is next for them. Ask them about their dreams for the future. Then, ask them how your help might support achieving those dreams. This highlights the future and hope–which is what motivates your donors to give.

5. Compensate the speaker for their work

If you treat this role like a job, it no longer feels like a favor. This business arrangement means your client can really decide if they want to do it. Without it, there is a high risk of your client doing this out of guilt or fear of not getting future services.

Share the pay schedule. Pay clients to do a public speaking gig, and for every follow-up. The follow-ups may be short interviews with TV, participating in a film, or blog posts updating their story.

For many nonprofits, those who are in the position to speak are often still on the brink of hardship; shame, guilt, or uncertainty about their role may put them in a position of feeling pressured. The extra cash is helpful, of course, and I encourage clients to add this to their resume and be proud of sharing the role they played in marketing an organization they care about.

—

As a new Director of Development, I accompanied a client named Chris to an event where he was going to share his story. Chris was in a program to get his gang tattoos removed. He had a rough childhood: as a teen was an active gang member and had the ink to show it.

He arrived at the event a little late and flustered. He started to share with me how he missed one bus and had to run to a different stop to catch another, then had to walk further because it dropped him off at a different—then he stopped mid-sentence, looked at me, and said, “Like you understand, privileged white lady.”

He was right: I could never truly understand much of his life experience. Over the course of helping him prepare for his speaking gig, I had learned about life, his family, his job history, his transgressions, and his dreams—but it was clear that in this moment, he did not feel understood or supported in the way that he needed. I had not been vulnerable with him, but I expected him to be vulnerable with an entire room of strangers. I told him why his story was so critical and I also shared part of my personal story, my own challenges, and some of the ways in which we could relate to one another. This shifted how we worked together and led to years of keeping in touch long after he left the program.

Building trust, caring for the healing of your client, and treating the speaking opportunity like a job are keys to an ethical storytelling program that supports the well-being of the people you ask to speak on behalf of your organization. Just like Chris is more than his tattoos, your client is more than their trauma—and a story told from a place of strength, confidence, and hope will be more effective in building support for your mission.