No Hard Feelings · Aperio book club
By Bri Hopkins
Recently, Aperio and a group of nonprofit leaders and fundraising professionals gathered as a book club to discuss No Hard Feelings: The Secret Power of Embracing Emotions at Work by Liz Fosslien & Mollie West Duffy. The conversation was remarkable and even a bit therapeutic. At the end, the group discovered two major themes that resonated with all of us and even a few actionable takeaways to implement in our own professional lives.
Theme no. 1: Setting boundaries
As fundraisers, we strive to put the emotions of our external stakeholders before ourselves. While part of this is the nature of the profession, it can also be a slippery slope to cutting yourself off from your own emotions and needs. Here are a few suggestions of ways you might begin to set emotional boundaries at work:
Take the breaks when you need them
Whether we are talking about vacations or a 15-minute break, work will always expand to fit the time you allow it. Scheduling breaks into your day is a critical part of self-care and keeping your energy fresh. Whether it is a quick workout, a walk outside, or a 10-minute meditation, mark this time on your calendar and hold yourself to it.
Try out “No Meeting Fridays”
The concept is to encourage no internal or external meetings on Fridays. This allows team members to focus on their to-do list and any final projects for the week, which then allows them to feel like they can fully wrap up and enjoy the weekend.
Lead by example!
As one book club member said, “self-care is an intricate part to becoming a better leader.” Be visible in your self-care and boundary setting. Make time off on your calendar visible so other staff can see that you are making this a priority. Not only does this hold you accountable, you are also creating an environment that encourages such behavior and better sets the tone for what you expect from your team.
Theme no. 2: Supporting the whole person
As a book club, we all agreed that adaptability is key and the old standard of “get your work done and don’t cry” is quickly being replaced by the idea that a successful leader is one that supports their team both as an employee and as a whole person. Below are three takeaways to help a leader provide such support:
Team leaders should be vulnerable, flexible, and compassionate
With today’s environment mirroring that of an emotional landmine, it is up to the leaders to hold space for their team’s emotions and be understanding of the challenges individuals are facing both inside and outside of the office. One book club member even made the comment, “During a work call, I was honest about how I was struggling and how I’m sure others were too. Afterward, I had multiple individuals reaching out and thanking me for my vulnerability.”
Label emotions to gain clarity on the decision at hand
This trick to identify emotions resonated with all of us. The general idea is to first list every emotion you may be feeling and then (much like a pro/con list) place them in the bucket of either relevant or irrelevant to the situation, person, or project. Relevant emotions will act more as an internal compass while irrelevant emotions are not rooted in the decision at-hand. This can prove to be a helpful tool to incorporate in one-on-one meetings and allow you to check in on the emotions of your team during the work week.
Allow 24-hrs to feel a certain emotion and then let it go
While emotions are valid and deserve space to be felt, they can also be distracting if remained unchecked. Especially when dealing with anger, sadness, or frustration. One participant found great success in this practice by setting an alarm on her phone to go off after 24 hours to remind her when it is time to let go and move on.
If you are inspired to read No Hard Feelings: The Secret Power of Embracing Emotions at Work, you can find the book here. (Check out our upcoming book club picks here.)
About Bri Hopkins
As a community-minded professional, Bri focuses on serving the Kansas City community to empower women and teens through the arts, mentorship, entrepreneurship, and professional development for young emerging leaders. Originally from St. Louis, Bri moved to Kansas City in May of 2016 after graduating from Drury University with her bachelor of arts in Arts Administration, Theatre, and Entrepreneurship. In addition to her work in nonprofit fundraising, Bri also currently serves on the executive council for the Connext board. She is also an artist, and frequents First Fridays in the Crossroads and other Kansas City art events.