A fundraiser's guide to building authentic donor relationships

We have never seen a moment in history quite like what we are currently experiencing. As much as donors are driven to make a difference with their dollars, fundraisers are even more driven to unite the donor’s passions and interests with that of their organizations. 

Early in the crisis, we heard from fundraisers across the country that they were having the most meaningful, inspiring conversations with donors yet. Why? Because people were being honest – both the donor and the fundraiser. The authenticity and vulnerability in those conversations led to meaningful connections that both the fundraisers and the donors will remember for life.  

As we saw at the beginning of the COVID-19 crisis, it was and still is a necessity to care for fundraisers during a time of crisis. 

As the crisis drags on, fundraisers are asking: How do I keep the real connection going with my donors? 

Here are my tips for fundraising authentically – building real connections with donors every step of the way.  

1. Treat donors as people first 

In the world of fundraising we use the word ‘authentic’ often, but what do we really mean? 

From my experience, it means allowing yourself, as a fundraiser, to interact with every donor as though both of you are people, showing your personal integrity at every step of the way. 

Transformational major gifts come from many conversations between a fundraiser and a donor. The more honest those conversations are, the more the partnership deepens. Often, those conversations can become quite raw and even emotional. 

When you dig in, the most exciting success stories in fundraising involved taking the time to emotionally connect with a donor. For example, I once worked with a donor who had the potential to make a major gift, but more importantly needed (and deserved) to tell someone his story. His wife had unexpectedly and very quickly passed away from an aggressive cancer. To get to know him, I would spend time with him every month. We would sit in his home, drink tea and eat cookies that he baked as he told me stories about his wife. I shared updates on research and the impact of his donations, but more importantly I let myself feel what he was feeling. Sometimes, we cried together. Later, when he unexpectedly passed away, his children shared that he had set up a recurring $10,000 gift from his IRA in honor of his wife with a special note to me sharing that I made him feel like that gift would make a genuine difference each year.  

Not every mission or every donor relationship will involve this level of emotion, but the point is: Engage with your donors as people first and funders second. You will be surprised by the connections you build and the fruits that grow from those connections. 

2. Tell your real story 

Storytelling is another fundraising buzzword. While there’s certainly a science to the practice, it is also innately emotional. It’s that access to emotions that makes storytelling so important in the nonprofit world. To connect people to our missions, we must access their emotions. 

There are lots of ways to talk about a mission and programs, but what brings your work to life are the real stories from those your mission serves. In fundraising, those stories need to be told often, authentically, and respectfully to donors. 

Fundraisers often tell me how important it is that donors find a personal connection to their mission. They also often underestimate how much influence they have over creating that personal connection through the stories they tell. 

When you tell specific, powerful stories to donors, you forge emotional connections between donors and your mission. When you tell stories that have moved you personally, you’re not only providing donors a glimpse of your mission, you are allowing them to see and experience your own passion for your mission—and that’s contagious. Your stories will build trust in both you and the organization. 

We all want to feel as though we truly connect and belong, and authentic storytelling can make that happen, allowing your donor relationships to grow at an exponential rate. 

3. Know when to share mission information—and when to call in the experts 

Fundraisers are driven, talented professionals. As a group, we like to succeed. While that drive is what fuels missions, it can also hold us back when we feel uncertain about our level of knowledge or expertise. 

As a fundraiser, you know that, at some point in your conversations with donors, you’re going to be out of your depth. It takes real vulnerability to start them anyway. 

Time and time again, fundraisers tell me that the one thing that holds them back from communicating is the fear of not knowing enough. Sometimes they mean not feeling comfortable with the technicalities of the mission (such as in healthcare). At other times they mean that they are not clear on all the details surrounding the future work of the organization. It pains me to see how many conversations with donors have been lost out of fear that the fundraiser will say the wrong thing, not have the right answer, or—most troublingly—look uninformed in front of donors. 

The good news is, a fundraiser’s job is not to be the mission expert. It’s to forge authentic relationships. And as a fundraiser, you’re an expert at that. 

The vast majority of donors will never expect you to know all the specifics of your organization’s programs and plans. Do your best with the knowledge and information you have and tap your resources for any next steps. 

The introduction of an expert into the conversation is an opportunity for the donor to meet someone else in your organization—and can be a fantastic reason for a next conversation. Don’t feel pressured to accomplish everything in one donor call. A genuine reason for the next call is something to celebrate, not a failure. 

4. Communicate genuinely and persistently…and then communicate some more 

We all know that relationships take time. But sometimes we forget that what we mean is time spent together. While we certainly can spread that time out over years to arrive at the ‘long game’ in fundraising, we can also build relationships more proactively by making our interactions with donors more frequent. 

The challenge is that frequent communications requires a level of vulnerability that many fundraisers struggle with. We worry: What if I annoy the donor? What if I drive them away? When we’re new to fundraising, we feel less communication is better so that we don’t irritate donors or drive them away. In reality, the opposite is true. 

By far the most frequent mistake I see in fundraising is fundraisers communicating too little too late. We wait too long between touchpoints, we don’t use all the communication tools at our disposal (phone, email, mail, LinkedIn, etc.), and we apologize for ourselves at every step of the way. 

But remember: You are approaching donors as people first, with the intention of creating an exceptional experience for them. So, feel confident in your outreach. On average, it takes nine calls to the same person in a short period of time to secure a phone conversation. When that persistence pays off in time on the phone with a donor, the real magic happens. Your repeated touchpoints—such as phone calls interspersed with emails, hand-written notes, and other meaningful touchpoints—help donors feel your gratitude and opens the door to an exciting experience for them. 

Your outreach also provides donors a way to share back with you what kind of relationship they want with you and the organization. If they don’t want a relationship, they will tell you and you can respond accordingly—and maybe even use the conversation to better understand the person’s interests. Those conversations are uncomfortable, so they stick in our minds. 

But they are not the norm. For every one donor who actively tells you to stop calling, there are a hundred who appreciate the attention, just more quietly. Most donors will indicate their communications preference through their response—when they respond, how often they respond, what type of communication format they respond to, etc. 

Keep in mind that people have a lot on their minds right now, so silence is not rejection. It could be a ‘not now.’ Or a ‘not this communication method’. Or all the things you and I are feeling on a daily basis as we navigate this overwhelming time.  

As we preached at the beginning of the pandemic, there are so many benefits to picking up the phone and calling donors–for both you and the donor. My 5 tips for calling your donors from back in April still ring true today!  

So, even when it’s uncomfortable, keep calling, keep writing notes, keep emailing to follow-up, and keep up those donor meetings via Zoom. As Whitney Norman of Pursuant recently shared on a virtual roundtable we co-hosted: “Those who can give now, will. Those who can give later will remember how you made them feel now.” 

5. Be genuinely and persistently grateful 

We should communicate genuinely and persistently with donors all the time, but nowhere is this more true than in acknowledging gifts. 

Fundraisers often express worry that anything more than a tax acknowledgement letter is thanking the donor too much. In my experience, it is very difficult to thank a donor too much!  

Bring the same genuine and persistent approach to your general communications to your thank you communications. Send a nice personal email right after the gift comes in, along with a thank-you phone call. Later, send a hand-written note from you, your leadership, or a client. Be sincere in your personal gratitude on behalf of your organization.  

This investment of time will do wonders for building meaningful connections between the donor and your organization.  

I believe that fundraising is a spiritual expression of passion, resilience, and many long hours of hard work. People who choose fundraising as their career, whether or not from the beginning or by stumbling into it, choose to stay because of the way it makes them feel. That is true of donors too—they stay with your organization because of the way it makes them feel.  

Your donors want to hear from you, they want to connect with you, so allow yourself the space to authentically connect to them. The result will be support for your mission—and a lasting impact on both of your lives.